Sometimes you can't help but smile

Sometimes you find yourself sitting on the balcony just smiling to yourself. And at those times, I feel completely at peace and full of happiness. This has been happening very often since my big move to Colorado. At this point of time in my life, I couldn't be happier with the woman that I am, and that I am becoming. This life has just begun for me and I'm one hundred percent ready to take the plunge into my dreams in hopes of accomplishing every one of them. For years I had no idea what I wanted to do, or where I wanted to end up. But this little gypsy soul has found her voice, ambition, and her strength. I'm excited for the possibilities that life will offer me, and I'm beyond excited to start my career and to begin college.

To the girl in her 20's.

You’ve spent so many years looking forward to this phase of your life. And it always looked so cool. So glamorous. So filled with love and laughter. Yet here you are. With knowledge that it’s anything but. It’s messy buns and messier lives. It’s baggy shirts and overflowing laundry bags. It’s a lot of work and never enough money. It’s freedom with responsibilities. And life is no longer what it seemed. Different people are doing different things. Your best friend’s getting married. Your old classmate is killing it with success. Your ex is happy in love. Your old mate is drowning in drugs. Different people are doing different things. But not you. You’re just existing. You’re getting through everyday a little better than the last. But then you have days where you can’t get up at all. You spend your Friday evenings holed up in a corner because you’re too responsible to drink your night away. Too control freakish to lose yourself to someone else’s tunes. But somehow, this isn’t enough. This life you’re living doesn’t feel complete. Loneliness wraps around you like a blanket you love and you wonder where you went wrong. Why you became different to everyone else. “Did I do too much too soon? Did I not do enough? Was there a reason why it was never me? Is this going to be the rest of my life? Alone? Unsuccessful? Filled with dreams that never come true?” And your hands reach out to your phone. One text. One call. To that someone who might make you feel pretty. Who might make you feel important. And your need takes over. The need to feel accepted. To feel appreciated. To feel adored. To feel loved. And it is so strong, you forget your sanity for a few minutes of flattery. You lessen your worth for dishonest words. The hurt in your heart, camouflaged. If only for a few seconds. But it’s never enough. And when you wake up, it’s worse. The hammering of your heart so loud in your ears. A memory of last night frustratingly haunting. Yet another mistake. Yet again. You scream hateful words to yourself. When will I ever learn? You go over those messages. Those conversations. How you fell right back into a ditch when you knew better. Just for a moment, you wish you weren’t yourself. And in that moment, read these words: Breathe. It’s not so bad. You think I don’t understand. But I do. Because I’m there, too. I’ve made that call. I’ve texted that wrong person. I’ve woken up with regrets. I still do. I’ve felt the need to be held. I’ve felt that silent green monster towards a friend in love. Yes, we all make those mistakes. And we all think nobody else does. But they do. So please, don’t hate yourself. And don’t stop. Don’t stop loving with all you have. Don’t stop wishing on every shooting star. Don’t stop dreaming of fairytales and being as amazing as Malala Yousafzai. You might not always get there, but don’t stop. You have so much left to do. You have a world filled with life waiting to happen. You have books to be read. Steps to be taken. Places to see. People to meet. You haven’t lived half your life yet. There’s so much ahead. And in ten years, when you look back, you’ll wish you were here again. So don’t waste it wallowing in your own sadness. Don’t lose yourself to your self-pity and non-existent boundaries. Use everyday. And I don’t mean spend thousands of dollars and visit the North Pole. I know how you’re struggling to make ends meet. Do the simple things. Stop procrastinating. Take a walk with nature. Go to the gym. Read your favorite book for the millionth time. Watch a movie. Write your novel. Sketch until you’re better than the best. Eat like you’re dying tomorrow. And most importantly, make mistakes. Your heart will heal. But today will never be back again. Don’t live with “Could-have-been’s.” Take chances. And ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS remember – It’s okay to be alone. There is time to let your life revolve around someone else. But today, let it revolve around you. Not because you can’t find someone. Not because you can’t be loved. But because you deserve to wake up with a smile. You deserve to live life. To make memories so wild, you’ll be the coolest grandparent they’ve ever known. Breathe. It’s only your 20’s. You’re going to be alright.

love yourself

Growing up I've learned that its best to fall in love as many times as this life offers you. Fall in love with your home, different cultures and places..Fall in love with diversity, with music that carries our inner core through the centuries.. Fall for the history..for your hobbies and passion, but most importantly, fall in love with yourself. To fall in love with another being, is simple. Natural. The human brain can fall in love with a another being within 30 seconds. It happens everyday, our mind and bodies are practically wired to find love and be loved with another person. But to fall in love with one self, is a rare, genuine occurrence. People never realize that their biggest hater is their own mind. You personally can be the downfall of your happiness and life. If you let people talk down on you, if you let them destroy that love inside you, you're letting yourself, your entire being, down. Life isn't meant to be spent every waking moment living to please someone else.. Its meant for you. This life is completely yours. You can either grab the reins and take control, or sit back and let someone else define you. Define your entire life. Learn to fall in love with yourself and its like a whole new world of possibilities is open. I love my entire being..I love who I am more than Kanye loves Kanye and I'm not ashamed of that. I have potential, hope, a heart full of love, and a will to live my life to the fullest everyday. Anything that has happened in the past, doesn't effect my being today. It has only helped push me into the direction I needed, that shaped me into the woman I am now. Never will I let a relationship, hard time, or past experience ruin my will to live. If anything, it is simply fuel to the fire for my life and ambitions. I love myself, I love life, and I love everything this life has to offer me. But most importantly, I'm in love with the feeling of unknown. I don't know what this life will offer me now... And that's more exciting to me then anything.

Colorado!

I have traveled to a lot of places and explored some of the most beautiful cities with my best friend, and it's beyond exciting to say that....We have finally made our favorite vacation spot, our home! For years we have been visiting Colorado and each time I have visited, I fall more in love every time. It is safe to say that, we have OFFICIALLY gotten approved for our apartment! I am literally dancing around my house with so much happiness and joy in my heart. I can't wait to see what adventures are in store for me and my best friend!

Sage Lawrence

My little Sage, its been 7 years since Heavenly Father has gained a new angel in Heaven. Sage, time has flown by and there isn't a day that goes by where you don't cross my mind. I see you in the wildflowers that grow throughout the fields, in the blankets of snow covering the ground.. I feel your presence in the breeze that fills the air around me. Sage, I would have given anything to have watched you grow up.. To see what your favorite things are in life, to hear what your voice would sound like.. I can't wait to spend eternity with you Sage. I love you dearly and miss you more and more everyday. I'll see you in the morning.

Before you grow up

Before you grow up, you must fall in love 3 times. Once you must fall in love with your best friend, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more. Once you must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve. And once you must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be. And when you're through with all that, you learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most. But most of all, you learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

Home Searching!

Packing up the home and getting everything ready for our big move is seriously getting me so excited! Yet at the same time, I feel like I could die right now and everything in my life would be one hundred times better, lol. House searching from a state away and trying to find the best home for the fam-bam, is absolutely insane. Seriously, once I find the perfect home, I pray everything will start falling into place and life will be less stressful. I'm getting overfilled with joy to be able to start fresh in a new location with my best friend and furrbabies! Goodnight blog! 😚

"I'm a vegan"

new beginnings

These past couple years have been an insane roller coaster ride for me. In 2013, I made my first adult decision and moved to Utah from good ole Arizona. Living in Utah has been such bitter-sweet. Green tree's everywhere, beautiful mountains and blue skies and yes..I have fallen in love with the snow. Who would have thought an Arizona girl would love the snow and cold so much? For 2 years I have successfully rented out a beautiful apartment with my best friend Gabriela. It has seriously been a blast decorating our house together and watching my best friend grow into the amazing person that she is! I can't thank God enough for blessing me with this girl. She is honestly my rock and I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world. Living here I have had the great opportunity of working for a company I have grown to love. And surprisingly.. I have maintained this job for almost two years in April! Go me! Beaver. He's my absolute life. I have watched my baby boy grow from only 3 weeks old to a soon-to-be 3 year old! He has turned into such a stinker. He love's cuddles, belly rubs, his toy basket, and any type of ball. Beaver can shake, high-five, sit, lay down, and ALMOST play dead. I wouldn't know what I would do without this fur ball of mine. I feel like I am a loser because I have never figured out what career I want in life. For years I switched back and forth between astronomy, marine biology or an author. After a lot of consideration and hard thinking, I have finally decided that I am going to be going to college to become a Labor and Delivery Nurse! I know..It's nothing of the three options I have always dreamed of having.. But, with having 3 sisters that I am super close to, I have seen my fair share of child birth's. Each time I was lucky enough to be in the room, it brought such a strong feeling and emotion to me. You can't buy that type of feeling. Above all, to be able to bring a precious life into this world, would be the most beautiful thing to me. Over the year I have loved and I have lost. And throughout it all, I have learned that to have given love and to be loved was a blessing, but to have lost, was a hidden blessing in itself. I have learned that going through a heartache or a major change..you can either let it ruin your life and your sanity..Or you can grow from it. Use it as motivation to become the person you are suppose to be. I'm blessed to have had that experience for it has given me the motivation to finally start my life. In the end, I wish nothing but the best and pure happiness for the other person. They taught me so much and I wouldn't be where I am today without that experience I had in life. As of right now, I am excited to say that my best friend and I are finally getting everything in order to move in May. The U-haul was called and scheduled as of today for May 22. Gabi is transferring her hair license over so she can finally do hair again. And my sweet mother is helping the both of us search for apartments and houses. Right now, I have never been so excited to have a fresh start. If I push myself, stay motivated, and continue to love life and love myself..I feel like all the dreams and goals I have will fall into place for me. I need to live life. I need to grow and learn all that this world has to offer me. Because honestly, this adventure has only just begun for me.